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A constant sense of failure

6/24/2011

3 Comments

 
The hardest thing about teaching is, for me, a constant sense of failure. Yeah, so I’m reaching them in that they are listening to me. Yeah, they love me for the most part and it goes both way; I love them too. But my heart breaks for many of them. The ones I can’t seem to help. They have issues. What can I do for them? I feel my hands are tied.

Yeah, most do the assignments I ask of them. But are the assignments hard enough? I want to do more but if I speed up I lose so many. If I ask them to do homework, I lose so many. I don’t want to lose any.

The failure beats me about the head: I’m not teaching enough, I want to help them be better writers, readers, communicators, researchers, citizens, friends. I want them to make better decisions for their lives, learn how to be curious and ask questions, learn that there are some books out there that they will enjoy reading. I want them to want more, more than what our little hometown offers, more than what they think they can do, more than a minimum wage job, more than getting married right out of high school and poppin’ out babies.

I want to them to think about beauty and truth and philosophy and think for themselves. I want them to read the newspaper and know there is another side to every story. I want them to think of others before themselves.

I want them to wonder:
About God
About the stars when they look up
And the plates shifting when they look down.
About how human words cause joy
About why it’s important to struggle sometimes
And why coasting down the hill goes so much faster than climbing it.

I want them to wander:
To the cities where the museums, diversity, and money live
To the mountains where the air is thin, the beauty is free, and simplicity reigns
To the oceans where the sand squishes beneath your feet and the waves echo
To the universities where learning and struggling take place
To the foreign countries where the food, culture, religion, language is strange and uncomfortable
Through the journeys, epiphanies and stories of others through books.

See why I feel like a failure?

There is this constant pressure. Keep ‘em busy, I think. Keep ‘em thinking. Yes, keep ‘em quiet because all heck breaks loose when they all try to talk and nothing gets done. Keep those scores up on the Test. Keep ‘em in the room in their seats.

Blah...

The status quo is to be easy, to give extra credit so they can pass, to turn your back during the test so that some can cheat, to go light on athletes and on game days, to let some problems lie because mommy and daddy are boosters.

Things I hate:
-the mean students who have everything but want to be “funny” too
-the teachers who say “Are you like your sister/brother? I hope so/not.”
-easy extra credit such as word finds
-cheating
-laziness
-fighting
-complete silliness
-wallowing in ignorance, knowing it and being proud of it
-never caring enough about the others around you enough to shut your mouth.

Thanks for listening.

3 Comments
Lee Myers
6/25/2011 12:35:40 pm

That's quite a weight you've placed on yourself; your desire to help your students look at the world around them is noble and inspiring, but I'm not sure if you will necessarily see the fruit from the seeds you are planting.

Speaking for myself, I did not begin a serious exploration of Life, the Universe, and Everything until a couple of years after high school, and most of the impetus and momentum came from myself, and not from the guidance of the authority figures in my life.

This is not to say that I consider your efforts to be in vain; you do, and will, have a great effect on many of the minds you are charged with inspiring, and I respect and almost envy that you care so much.

As I know you are well aware, you are not going to be able to change everyone; much of the ignorance, silliness, laziness, belligerence, what-have-you, runs deep (considering that some of our former, less-charming classmates are the seeds from which the current crop has grown).

Try not to let it get you down; keep fighting the good fight - there is a change already coming from youth today - towards a Greener world, less bigotry, and hopefully the will to work hard enough to take care of us when we retire :-).

Lee M

Reply
Kim
6/28/2011 04:56:06 am

Lee,

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and support! It's hard to be this honest and lay it all out there for all the world to see but I think it is important for teachers and parents to see. I can tell from your FB comments how much education you received after MVHS!

Reply
Walter link
11/25/2020 10:22:47 pm

I enjoyed reading yyour post

Reply



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    Kim Blevins is a teacher-consultant with the Greater Kansas City Writing Project.

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